Are you obsessed with true crime? Those juicy stories that keep us guessing, “Is my lover going to snap one day?”, “Do I hear my neighbor screaming at her husband AGAIN?” “Was that a gunshot? Or just my neighbor’s trash can lid slamming in the wind?”
Lovers gone bad, romances gone sour, road rage altercations that keep you guessing…“Do they have a weapon?”. Are you in a semi-cheap thrill state of mind wondering who? what, is gonna get you?
Well, look no further than your own bathroom cupboard or beauty drawer, my friend. You’re your own jilted ex gf, poisoning yourself every single day, often without realization.
America’s silent murderer…our best friend through puberty, our comfort keeper, memory generator, mood lifter, “healer”, a billion-dollar industry – FRAGRANCE. Yup, that lil scent over there.
Okay, okay, so maybe my bottle of perfume isn’t going to jump out of the medicine cabinet, crack into a million pieces with one single shard ricocheting off my countertop and slash my throat or poke my eye out, but fragrance is a lot more damaging than it may seem. And it’s everywhere. And I mean LITERALLY everywhere.
Most of the time you don’t notice it. You won’t notice it until you have to. Like me. Bath and Body Works was like my favorite store, and it’s now my NEMESIS. Crazy how fast relationships can change.
I have a diagnosed fragrance allergy and it’s lonely. It was a journey to get diagnosed. I had no idea why my eye skin and lips were exploding with an itchy, irritating, red, burning rash on the daily. Nothing I did helped. I visited several dermatologists that wrote it off as a toothpaste allergy. “Uhhh, just use uhhh baking soda and see if that helps”. Well, it didn’t. It never did. I used only Vaseline on my lips for years because my skin was so dry and itchy. Finally, an angel dermatologist said, “Girl, I think you need to see an allergist”. It was like the clouds parted, the sun started shining and birds were singing in my ear. I had hope. Hope someone could figure out what was driving me insane after years of mystery.
So, I did the scratch test and the patch test and waited. Now, if you’re ever looking for a good time, wearing a multitude of common allergens taped to your back for days with instructions to “ignore the itch” is sooooo much fun. The day the results came in, I got a call. “You’re allergic to fragrance.” So, I waited for the nurse to elaborate, “Okay, fragrance. I got you. Uhhhh, which one?”, I said thinking she was gonna say, “Vanilla” or “Pine”. Nope. She repeated herself, “FRAGRANCE”.
So, I’m dumbfounded. You could hear the question marks coming out of my head over the phone. She said, “Fragrance is a thing in itself. It’s in a lot of products. Just look at the back of anything and check out the ingredient list”. So, I did. I looked at everything. And it was literally listed in the ingredient list as “Fragrance”. My eyes were as wide as saucers. I never noticed that before, even during days before the iphone when you would read the back of your shampoo bottle during bathroom time. And my rash, oh just some allergic contact dermatitis that can take weeks to resolve after exposure. No big deal, right? I mean, we do have 52 weeks a year. I’ll just spend most of them scaly, looking contagious.
Now, fragrance is tricky. It has a lot of aliases. We’ll discuss that another day.
So, long story short, I had to start with removing all fragrance from my life. Did you know that some reactions to allergens can take days from exposure to develop? That’s sneaky. So, if I use a product today, I might not have a rash immediately. It could haunt me, appearing when I’m asleep or days later during date night when I least expect it.
The removal process of all things fragrance in my life mimicked the grieving process. I started with denial. What? No one else in my family has a fragrance allergy. Why me??? Well, repeated use and multiple exposures over time can trigger an allergy. I’m just one of the lucky ones (tell that to the automated lottery machine).
Then I was mad. I mean, mad. “So, I can’t use ANYTHING anymore! (insert expletives)”.
Then I even bargained. “Well, I mean, I spent a lot on this makeup, maybe it won’t hurt me THAT bad.” Or, “I can’t throw away all those candles. I JUST bought them”.
Then the depression hit. I grabbed a trash bag and a glass of wine and just started tossing. Tossing my expensive makeup collection into that black SCENTED trash bag. My wonderful aerosol hairsprays that gave me life, were now in the dumpster. My candles. My Pine-Sol for Pete’s sake. I cried the entire time. I cried for days. Yes, it’s trivial, but what was I going to use now?
Now, I’m accepting of this allergy. I don’t love her, but maybe she’s here for a reason. I mean, fragrances contain phthalates. Phthalates are endocrine disruptors and carcinogens. Endocrine disruptors mimic and interfere with our hormones and carcinogens, well, they cause cancer.
So why do we love fragrance so much?
Scent is a powerful thing. It can take you back to fond memories of your first love, the flavor of that frosted lipstick you used on the daily when you were 13, a hug from the swallows of your grandmother’s bosom, fresh and clean laundry… I get it.
I too was obsessed with all things fragrant. And most of them I didn’t even realize were so powerful. Every makeup and beauty product you use from the lotion that is supposed to hydrate your skin, to the mascara you decorate your eye hairs with, to your anti-perspirant and even some pharmaceutical products.
It’s in our household cleaners, laundry products, stain removers, dish soap, kitty litters, trash bags, and even TAMPONS, YES TAMPONS (come on, now!).
You can’t escape it. Even if you try and try and try and try. Because even though you’re careful and you research the products you use, your Aunt Melanie can ruin all your hard work with one visit to your home, your sanctuary. She’s not trying to hurt you, but now your couch and even your dog are gonna be loitered with her phthalate-riddled fabric softener and hairspray for weeks to come.
You can search for products to lessen your exposure, I mean there’s a TON of “unscented” scents out there. Yup, the “Unscented” stuff has fragrance in it too. Hell, even many “Fragrance-Free” products still have fragrance. So, who can I trust? Literally no one and nothing, just like your mama told you back in middle school.
It’s a poisonous concrete jungle out there. Even if you do your damnedest to use LEGIT 100% fragrance-free items, your friend, your family, and literally everyone outside of your home has a minimum of 15 scented products on at any given time. And now that your nose is sensitive because you quit fragrance like a bad drug, you can smell them from 12.3 miles away. And it’s going to drive you insane.
I’m now likened to a drug-sniffing pooch during a high school locker search any time I smell anything that isn’t air. Nostrils flaring, sniffing clothes I buy from an online retailer when they arrive in the mail to be sure they’re safe. Giving my kindergartener the third degree when I pick her up from school and smell berries or flowers, “WHO TOUCHED YOU TODAYYYYY?”
So, am I not allowed to invite friends over anymore? Visit my family? How is my child going to love me when I discourage her from using the latest eau de parfum once she hits puberty?
So, I suffer. A lot of the time. My close friends and family try to understand and do their best to let their natural scents flourish on days I’m with them, but it’s impractical in daily life. Shaking a stranger’s hand is a risk, “Did they use Bath and Body Works lotion today?” is always racing through my thoughts. Is their scent going to soak into my skin for hours before I can cleanse myself to avoid a rash?
I’m that lady that carries around a travel-size bottle of my own hand soap in public restrooms. So embarrassing. People stare like, “Who is she? Why is the standard pink fresh scent soap not good enough for her?” I wish it was, Donna. I truly do.
And you’ll hear, “Oh GOSH, I couldn’t live without my essential oils, my tea tree acne serum, my candles, my downy scent boosters, my facials, “maybe you should get a second opinion…”
Well, Tiffany, I too thought I would die without them, but since my skin is no longer a complete and utter red burning itching rash (on good days), I think my allergist was right the first time.”
And you’ll live. You’ll adapt. But it ain’t easy, man. Shopping will no longer be simple. You can’t just buy the first carpet cleaner you see. Or the hand soap that’s on sale. You will learn that you, too, have body odor even when you aren’t running a marathon.
And you’ll soon realize, products without fragrance, truly without fragrance, have a minimum 50% price hike over the wonderful smelling things you would rather use. Like, why? I’m already feeling down, smelling like my natural skin and my hair is as flat as a pancake, why do I have to pay more? Well, because we’re in the 1% baby. And while that may be a great thing if you’re a KarJenner or a Bezos, this 1% is NOT fun. We’re minute and inconvenient. Let’s change that.
We need to rally together to encourage more companies to create safe things for people like us to use. Whether you are legitimately allergic to fragrance, have a fragrance sensitivity, or you finally read a news article that scared the bejeezus out of you about the impending doom of fragrance poisoning your body, we need options. Affordable options. Products that work.
Come on now, water is not going to efficiently clean the mustard-colored cat bile out of my damn carpet.
Let’s not get started on products for our animals. Oh boy, kitty litter is a huge culprit. Snuggles from Mr. Whisker can go from cute to pure torture if your litter is of “Fresh Scent”. If you’re a fragrance allergy sufferer, a simple trip to the vet to have your dogs anal glands expelled will set you back a week if they use a puppy wipe to clean their unmentionables. A topical flea medication will have you reeling in contact dermatitis for days (if you’re lucky). Try searching for allergy-safe pet shampoo, uhhhhh you’ll maybe get one REAL result…remember, unscented is not always FRAGRANCE FREE.
I wanted to start this blog to ease my grief, provide a mirror for the 1% that are suffering without sympathy, make you laugh cause allergies suck, and to maybe share and review products that work without causing too much irritation. I mean, I’m only 38 and have had a diagnosed fragrance allergy for 6 whole years now (among a couple of other fun things) and it’s not getting any easier to hide from those invisible toxin villains.
I want nice makeup and beautifully pigmented lipstick too. I want safe hair products that lift my fine dull lifeless hair into another dimension. Household products that clean without burning my nostrils like hell’s inferno.
Can we all stop buying stuff that poisons us for no good reason other than to hide our musty-butt smell? Let’s not make our true crime murderers richer while we wait for our breast or prostate cancer results from all those endocrine blockers we’re investing in.
More fun stories and mostly SAFE (for now) product reviews to come. Companies often change ingredient lists more frequently than my high school bf changed out his bottle of Axe.
And for reference, I am not a doctor. Take everything I say with a grain of salt. I just wanted to vent and let you know you are not alone.
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